You’ve heard it a thousand times – “just hold on, it’s going to get better”, or” it’s darkest just before the light.” All of this sounds real good, but when you’re barely holding on, these clichés mean absolutely nothing. Life can send you into a tailspin where all you can do is try to keep your head above water. Psalms 23:4 says, “ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil.” While, this too, is an often quoted verse, we must remember that all death is not unto the grave. Your valley could be divorce, widowhood, job loss, abandonment- or it could be the death of a loved one. None of us get through life without losing someone we love, someone we thought we needed or just something that we thought was meant to be. Whatever your valley experience may be, sometimes all you can do is barely hold on! It is important to remember during these times, that it is only a “shadow of death”, and where there is a shadow, there must be light. If we can’t find our own way back to the light, we must find someone that can lead us.
I found myself in my own valley of death. There was darkness all around me and since I didn’t know how I got to that place, I couldn’t find my way out. All the clever sayings in the world wasn’t helping. I was desperately trying to hold on and my hands kept slipping. I was sliding further and further into the abyss. It’s hard to know what to do when you find yourself in a valley, what do you hold onto, what do you grab? Even though you may think you are alone and there is no way out, there are things you can do that will lead you to a brighter day.
1. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. – You are who you are and you have what you have, right now. The important thing is simply to find one POSITIVE thought that inspires and helps you move forward. Hold on to it strongly, and focus on it. You may feel like you don’t have much, or anything at all, but you have your mind to inspire you.
2. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. – You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again. And a smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy. Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems.
3. You have the capacity to create your own happiness. – Feelings change, people change, and time keeps rolling. You can hold onto past mistakes or you can create your own happiness. A smile is a choice, not a miracle. Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy. True happiness comes from within.
4. Don’t make a problem bigger than it is. – You should never let one dark cloud cover the entire sky. The sun is always shining on some part of your life. Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
5. Everything that happens is a life lesson. – Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc. they’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’ Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way. If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting. And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.
6. Distance yourself from negative people. – Every time you subtract negative from your life you make room for more positive. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. Let go of negative people, for they are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self esteem. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.
7. Even when it’s hard to move, take small steps forward. – Especially in trying times, it’s important to continuously push yourself forward. Because momentum is everything! As long as you keep the momentum positive – even if you’re moving at a snail’s pace – you’ll eventually get to the finish line. So celebrate every step you take today, no matter how small. Because every step will lead you farther away from where you were yesterday and closer to where you want to be tomorrow. Be it a better life or a dream we long to realize, we reach our destinations by taking many, many small steps in the same direction, one at a time.
8. You always have a choice. – No matter what, there are always at least two options. If you can’t physically change something, you can change the way you think about it. You can sit in the dark, or you can find your inner light and discover powerful pieces of yourself you never knew existed. You can view a crisis as an invitation to learn something new, viewing the shake-up in your outer world as an enlightening opportunity to wake-up your inner world.
9. Let others in when you’re in a dark place. – No, they won’t always be able to pull you out of the dark place you’re in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
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